A Beautiful Mind

Today is just one of those days where I cant seem to get my thoughts to make sense, hell that’s most days, but some are worse than others. I have so many thoughts that they come for fast and in such quantity they all seem to mesh together and are overly counter productive. I find the things that make me different to be both a blessing and a curse. It is very incomprehensible and mystifying. I long for someone to relate to knowing I may never know anyone with the ability to do so, which is a very lonely feeling. I don’t let it get me down though, instead I just look at it like it is just a part of me that God could only trust me to handle. I know that I have to be one strong ass motherfucker to bear this cross, because others probably could never imagine or deal with the extent of the depths my brain drags me to. I try to remember that its not my fault, the brain does what it wants. I’m lucky I’m not in an institution with some Doctor trying to perform a lobotomy on me. This is the fate people like me surely suffered many years ago. I have the ability to dream and think of things most people will never be able to achieve. I lack the ability to execute or physically make the mind and body work together in a productive harmony most times though. I don’t care, I will keep going until I cant and live to fight another day! I have a love and life that some will never experience. For that I am grateful everyday, some days more than others…. There is a saying that says ” you cant stop the waves from coming, but you can learn to surf”… this is so true for me. I ride it out……

** the art feautured is by Shawn Coss and was submitted for #inktober.  In my opinion he depicted BPD as something that is while beautiful, dark and with demons. The soul less eyes and dark face that shows no real identity, yet the mouth is clearly visible. As it usually gets us in trouble. The skulls coming from her mind simultaneously surround her and wrap her in a veil, showing how the mind can create these all encompassing detached thoughts that feel like even though they are coming out if you and consuming you they are not part of you but rather something separate and beyond your control.

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