Manic can be Magic, nice to meet you.

Have you ever drank too many cups of coffee and felt like your mind was racing so fast you couldn’t think straight or keep up? Did you feel like your heart was gonna beat right out of your chest? Maybe you are just so wound up that you are gonna jump right out of your skin… well that’s pretty much how I feel 24/7 and it can be both magical and exhausting. Yes I have what my Doctor likes to call “unspecified mood disorder”, but only because he is not qualified to make that diagnosis, however he is qualified to dope me up. Finding out that something was legitimately wrong with me was not only a relief, but eye opening and life changing.  I actually suffer from something quite mystifying and believed to actually be along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder. I hate to say that term because I can feel the cringe and judgement the moment I tell anyone. Its such a huge problem when it comes to stigmas that surround mental illnesses, it takes a very special person to understand it or even attempt to. Thank God I found one I will soon get to call my husband. I talk too fast and about everything in such depth. I have a passion for everything I get my hands on, I literally feel like I could conquer the world every single day. I guess that doesn’t really sound bad at all, but there is a flip side to it. A much darker scarier flipside that I don’t care to elaborate on at this time. I believe that everything happens for a reason and all in the timing that it needs to. It took me well over 30 years of rough life on this Earth to start the process and recognition of what my purpose, dreams, wants, goals, and true passions are. Yes its still a learning process but I am blessed to be able to have a mind that functions on such a beautifully complex level. Its no secret that serious mood disorders can have a huge effect on higher intelligence and creativity in the individuals that have it. Some of the greatest minds in history were sufferers of mental illness. What a price to pay, I guess you truly cant have it all. Being able to function on higher levels at times than most isn’t all fun and games and comes with many drawbacks. That is but merely scratching the surface as to what makes me tick but its a good place to start for now. I find blogging and writing helps me to get out what’s in my head, and in a very cathartic way. I hope that you enjoy, learn, laugh, cry, or even relate to something that you read in my blogs. My hope is that this new site is a way to keep in all in a more useful and organized manner.

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